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Got big feet? So you have a big......................shoe size. Meh! :p

Once two urologists, both bored
Found a question that struck a sure chord
And they went forthwith
To dispel popular myth
And satisfy discontented hordes.

For many a man did they know
who oft wished his shoe size would grow
Cause as everyone "knows"
From the heel to the toes
Announces the size of his "hose".

But the doctors stopped and said 'wait!'
Your shoe size may not be your fate!
This myth must be tested
And the doctors suggested
A correlation would end the debate.

And thus, to asses size and shape
To their patients they took measuring tape
Stretched the dick to excess
The right length to assess
And took also the normal shoe shape.

And lo and behold but they found
That the myth of shoe size has no ground!
And no man's shoe size
should widen other's eyes
There was no correlation to be found.

So men everywhere, do walk tall!
Worry not if your feel are small!
The word on the street
About guys with big feet?
They wear larger shoes, is all.
 

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A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
The husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said .............

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
 

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Friday...

So they asked me to see what a semi driver wanted because the shipping guys weren't here. Truck driver said he had 4 rolls of foam and a skid.

Me: "Fork truck or pallet jack?"

Driver: "Pallet jack should do."

I was pushing it fast and he said, "Whoa! The dock plate isn't down!" --WHAM!-- "Well I guess you could jump it if you hit it on an angle like that...now on your way out, make sure to steer this way and cut a sharp angle to clear that gap."

Me: "Or I could just jump on the skid and ride it."

Driver: "NO! WAIT! YOU CAN'T...." WhirrrrRRRRRRR---BANG! WHIRRRRrrrrrrrrr (right through the shop)

Driver: "I've never seen anyone do that before."

pallet_truck.png
 

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Ninebot miniPro--the name is deceiving, it's huge with a lot of battery power (Sam's Club has them for half off list). They focus on safety: not throwing you off due to overheating and not blowing up/starting on fire (I consider those fairly important features). The hoverboard is nice for 7 miles or less (total), more than that and it's kind of a Slingshot thing.
 

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Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge.

So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53,
gets off his Harley, walks through a group of
gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying
to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey
Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"


She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear too "insensitive,"
George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend"
pportunity either, so he asked ..."Well, before you
jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ol' George
here your best last kiss?"


So with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over
the railing and did just that ...and it was a long,
deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another
even better one. After they breathlessly finished,
George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-
buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper,
and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have
ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there,
Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with
me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
...It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.
 

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MEDICAL DISTINCTION BETWEEN GUTS" AND "BALLS


We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - It is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - It is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: You're next, Chubby.'

I trust this clears up any confusion........

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome;- both are fatal...
 

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A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa".

The father asked "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do".
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma".
The next day the grandmother died. "Holy Moly, thought the father "this kid is in contact with the other side!"

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy".
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life". She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning. My golf instructor dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
 

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THE CYCLE OF LIFE

Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY other to California.

Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf.

They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch. "Where you wanna go?"


"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts. The legs..."
"OK."

Ten years later at 40 they play. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."
"OK."

Ten years later at 50. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."

"Why?"


"The food is good and there is plenty of parking."
"OK."

At 60 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."

"Why?"
"Wings are half price."
"OK"



At 70 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."

"Why?"
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
"OK."

At 80 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."


"Why?"
"We've never been there before.
 
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